I keep having the same dreams night after night.  To clarify, the scenes and people change.  Surroundings vary from dream to dream.  But they tend to fall in the same thematic line: I need to get things done.

My dreams are haunted with the fear that I am not doing what I ought to be doing, not completing what I should. In the wrong place.  Traveling the wrong path.  Others around me oblivious to my misalignment but pressuring me to get on with it.

I am not one who believes in dream interpretation as some mystical path to our destinies or deep meanings or any of that stuff.  But I do recognize that dreams as the brain’s subconscious attempt to make some sense of all the data it is trying to process: knowledge, emotions, perceptions, experiences, opinions, confusions, mysteries… and sometimes just crap.

I realize I live a life that is largely nonconducive to my true self.  I am not talking about family, but other aspects.  I also realize I have to make some changes – some of which would have been much easier 25 years ago, when I was too young, dumb and lazy.  

But… it is never too late to change things, right?  It is the little things that add up.  It is what I do now, not what I whine about having not done a quarter century ago.

The problem is that I am not being me.  My writing reflects it.  My life reflects it.

I don’t want my child to reflect it.  I want him to be fearless.  I have been just the exact opposite.  I have listened to too many critics (myself included).  I have chosen the easy / “safe” path of least resistance.  That path is only safe as long as things don’t change.

The problem with the safe path is that things do change.

And I need to change.  Which means changing paths.  Which means being able to look the critics in the eye (especially the one looking back in the mirror) and say, “Shove off.”  (Use stronger language, if you must.  But not within earshot of the kidlets.)

My son needs to see Dad being who God created Dad to be.  I need to finally let go of the criticisms – real and imagined and inflated – and be.

Be creative.

Be funny.

Be me, out loud.

I fit no molds – the perpetual square peg crammed in a round hole that his far too small for his oversized frame.  It’s time to celebrate the uniqueness that is my God-created self.  Not in an ego centered way, but in a manner that helps others do the same.

Time to face the world with faith-filled grit and determination and joy and laughter and strength.

The idea of being royalty may sound appealing to some.  Think of it: pampered upbringing.  Servants waiting on you hand and foot.  The best tables at the best restaurants, best seats at concerts.  First class jet setting.  Limos.  Jewelry.  Huge mansions on lush estates.  The world is your oyster!  So what if you have to deal with some paparazzi pursuing you and photographing your every move.  The world is watching you!  You are famous and want for absolutely nothing.

I’m not sure King David would agree with this assessment of the royal life.  Sure, he had his first class digs.  He had his wives and concubines and power and fame and fortune.

But he also had trouble.

It all started out great.  David the little shepherd, defeated of the giant Goliath, became a great and victorious warrior with God on his side.  David survived the pursuit of the somewhat paranoid King Saul and, when the king was killed in battle against the Philistines, David became king of Judah.  As king, he was victorious over Israel, thus uniting the two nations.

David was noble in character and mighty in battle. But, like all humans, he had his Achilles’ heel.

King David had it all.  And he had it given to Him by God.  He was king and could have all the wives and concubines he wanted.  But David caught sight of another man’s wife (the bathing Bathsheba) and decided he had to have her. Crumbling under lustful temptation, David went so far as to arrange to have her husband killed in battle so he could have her as well.  In the end, he paid the high price of losing his first child with Bathsheba.

His household made most soap operas look like champions of morality.  Within his family there was adultery, lust, incest, anger, plotting, scheming, murder, intrigue, betrayal… personal tragedies on a massive scale. When Nathan told David that God said the “sword shall never

Like royalty today, David too was pursued.  Not by paparazzi, but by enemies seeking his destruction.  Often the enemy was his own people – one rebellion in particular instigated and led by his own son (Absalom).

When Absalom was killed (despite David’s warnings to treat his son well if captured), David mourned and lamented.  Greatly.  He felt no sorrow for the men who had stood up to defend him against his own enemies (including his now deceased child).  As his commander Joab pointed out to the king:

“You have today covered with shame the faces of all your servants, who have this day saved your life and the lives of your sons and your daughters and the lives of your wives and your concubines, because you love those who hate you and hate those who love you. For you have made it clear today that commanders and servants are nothing to you, for today I know that if Absalom were alive and all of us were dead today, then you would be pleased.” – 2 Samuel 19:5-6 (ESV)

Quite a contrast to God.  The LORD sacrificed His Son that His rebellious children might live.  David didn’t care how many how many of his loyal subjects might be sacrificed to save his one rebellious son.  It is easy to see why God kept from David the honor of building the new temple.

David had it all.  But he became self involved, myopic in his vision, constantly looking inward.  He feared for his life and his well being.  The king became a mere shell of the mighty young warrior he once was.  In the end, he harbored bitterness, going so far as to instruct his son (and next king) Solomon to see to it his greatest enemies die violently.

The point is simply this: David had it all.  But he paid a great price for it.  David was where he was because placed him there, in those circumstances.

Each of us is where we are because God has placed us here, in these circumstances.

Don’t look to anybody else – no matter how beautiful may seem in comparison to yours – and think “if only”, or “I want what they have.”  Do not covet.

Instead, give God thanks and praise for the station of life you possess.  If you think your neighbor has it better, think again.

Seek God first.  Find joy in Him, not in your circumstances.  Then you will be able to truly praise Him at all times and see His Goodness and Greatness wherever and whenever.  The LORD is the source of our joy, and He transcends anything this world could possibly of

Father, I have no idea what you have intended for today.  Whatever it may be, I pray that your will is done, and your glory shines through.  Please use my family and I to reach others, to bless those you place in our lives, to be who You would have us to be.  Thank you Lord for today, and the opportunities to be part of your amazing plan.  Help me to seek You first.  Help me to see You.  Help me to be salt and light, shining the love and wisdom of Jesus.  Thank you, Lord.  Amen.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:19 (ESV)

If someone approached you and gave you the gift of a winning multimillion dollar lottery ticket, what would you do?  It’s very tempting to consider the doors that would open with that kind of cash.  For many of us, it would seem akin to when Jed Clampett struck oil and moved to Beverly Hills.  Swimming pools.  Movie stars.  Fast cars.  No more mortgage.  No more money worries.  Kids college paid for.  Retirement set.  Luxury.  Oh, and I’d give some to my church for a new roof.

I once watched a documentary about the effects winning the lottery had on several people.  The outcomes were less than joyous.  The biggest problem: the windfall fueled greed.  Some squandered their winnings and ended up penniless.  Some fall into a gambling habit that devours far beyond what the lottery winnings provided.  Perhaps worst of all is the loneliness some feel.  So many people look at them differently now because they are rich.  So many “old friends” crawl out the woodwork wanting favors and money.  The ability to trust is eroded.

In short, what they felt was the answer to all their problems was actually the very thing that ruined their lives.

Now, luckily for us, the odds of having this particular problem are quite slim: on average , somewhere around 1 in 12 million.  The odds that you are going to be struck by lightning at some point in your life are around 1 in 3000.  The point of all this is not to dissuade you from playing the lottery (although, clearly, there are better ways to invest your money – and if you consider the lottery an investment option, maybe this should dissuade you from playing the lottery).

The point is that there are felt needs and perceived needs.  Felt needs are the things we think / fell that we need: more money, more security, you name it.  Perceived needs are what professional outsiders who have examined our lives tell us we need.

It is easy, when we feel need, to look at a verse like Philippians 4:19 and say, “Oh yeah?  Well I don’t have __________ (you fill in the blank).  Why isn’t God meeting my need?”  That is a response to a felt need, and the problem with felt needs is their perception is tied directly to our emotions which, while important, often lead us away from the reality of our situations.  What we really and truly need is what God perceives that we need.

The simple answer to our need is this: wait on the Lord.  Trust in Him.  Rely on Him.  Rest in Him.  You have to know that He is working in your life. When you put your trust in God, He will never truly let you down.  He may not give you what you want.  He may not meet your felt need, or meet it as fast as you’d like.  But He will satisfy your true, perceived needs.

Maybe He is working through your circumstances to reach someone else.

Maybe He is imparting wisdom to you by letting you see the effects of your actions.

Maybe He is just trying to teach you something.

Maybe He wants you to see Him through the pain, despite the fear, regardless of the worries.

Maybe He wants you to learn how to trust Him, and not the stuff of this world.

Maybe He is just trying to get your attention.

Seek God first.  Fear not.  Rest in Him.  Know that your every real need is met through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Rest in Him.

If you know somebody who would be blessed by this or any other message from The Bouville Diarist, please take a moment and share this article.  You can send them to our website at http://www.bouvillediarist.com, like of Facebook page or follow us via Twitter.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. – 1 Corinthians 10:13 (ESV)

Think about it: when we are deeply hurt by someone – when we have been wronged or slandered or lied to or robbed or cheated… – what is our natural reaction?  Anger?  Vengeance?  At the very least perhaps we want to distance ourselves, no longer associating with them.

Whenever we sin, it is a mark of our faithlessness to God.  That may sound harsh but, remember, we all sin and fall short of God’s glory.  Sin can make faithfulness tough for we humans.

But God is faithful, always.

Even when we are not.

He loves us deeply because He is love.  He is faithful because that is part of God’s character.

Not only is God faithful despite our failings, He actually provides us a way out when we’re tempted.  

Do you think our sin surprises God?  He knows all.  And, in His loving faithfulness, He made a way of salvation for all of us through the shed blood of His Son Jesus.

Great is thy faithfulness!  He never changes.  He gives a fresh start each new day.  Sing His praise with joy and thanksgiving!  He will never leave you nor forsake.  He said so.  And He is lovingly, eternally faithful.  His Word is stronger than any promise you will ever receive on earth.

People will let you down.  But love never fails.  And God is love!

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. – Romans 15:13 (ESV)

The sun is rising a little earlier and staying with us a little longer each day.

Major League Baseball Spring Training is underway.

Spring is only 25 days away.  And while 3-1/2 weeks may seem like a long time – especially on a Monday morning when it is eleven below zero outside – that means we are 72% of the way through winter.

Spring will come.  It always does.  The flowers will bloom, the trees will leaf, the grass will grow and green.  The winter doldrums will pass, the snow will melt away.  The warmth of the sun will return.

Life passes in seasons.  This is true meteorologically.  This is true personally.

Nothing lasts forever.

Storms come and go.  Sometimes they dump a foot of snow that has to be shoveled away.  But the sun always comes back.  The sun melts the snow away and warms the frigid air.  The same wind that blows the storm in takes it out as well.

Life is never hopeless.

Hope is rooted in faith, and as long as our faith is rooted in Jesus, we have every reason to hope.  The answer we seek may not be before our eyes right now.  The need may still exist.  The problem may be there awhile.

But do not lose heart.  Seek the Lord first.  Know that there is a reason for what you are going through.  It may be painful.  You may feel as if you are at the end of your rope.  But, remember: nothing – nothing – is impossible with God.  There will be a day when you can see the blessing in the hardship.  Joy will burn away the pain.  The sorrow will ease, the winter will brighten.

Never let go of hope in Christ.  As Paul wrote (in Romans 12:12), “Rejoice in hope…”, because you do have hope no matter what you are facing when your trust is in Jesus Christ.  “Be patient in tribulation…”, knowing He is with you and is not going to allow your suffering to be in vain.  “Be constant in prayer”, keeping Him first and foremost in your heart and mind, seeking His peace and joy and strength, resting in the Lord and His might and goodness.

The sun will rise a little earlier today than it did yesterday, and stay with us a little longer.  We gain more sunshine each and every day.  Nothing lasts forever, except God and heaven and all of His promises and love.

Lord God, I crave more of You in my life. I want more of You.

I love You, Lord. Not nearly as much as I should.

I want You to move in my life.

I need You to move in my life.

Jesus, please remove the log from my eyes that I may see clearly.

Father, let my thoughts, my words, my actions, be yours,

Please remove any barriers that keep me from You, Lord.

Remove the selfishness.

Remove the doubt.

Remove the temptation.

Remove the fears.

Remove the feelings of inadequacy.

Be thou my vision.

Be my strength.

Be my Guide.

I need you, Lord.

Thank you that you are with me always.

Thank you that you are greater than anything I face.

Thank you that your grace is sufficient for me.

Father, I crave more of You, and less of me.

Father, I seek You first.

You are great, and greatly to be praised!

Thank You for your greatness.

Thank You for your patience.

Thank You for your mercy, your love, your grace.

Thank You that you love me so… far more than I can imagine.

I want to know You more.

I want to love You more.

I am the clay, Father, and You are the Potter.

I crave the experience of You, Lord.

Jesus my Savior, my strength, my Lord… I love You.

Help me please, for I cannot do it without You. And I know I never have to.

Thank You for your promise, Your guidance…

Thank You, Lord.

Thank You.

Let me never be satisfied by anything less than You, my God and my King.

Amen.