I didn’t see it coming.

Its like a sucker punch from within.  I haven’t felt this in quite some time.

And, I have to tell you, I’m not exactly enjoying it.

Panic attacks are no fun.  Especially in the middle of the night.  They are exhausting.  They are irrational.

The anxious brain is like a roulette wheel, spinning faster and faster. The ball riding atop it is an anxious thought – ponderings of a problem or fear or mistake made, real or imagined.  Suddenly the roulette wheel stops.  The ball lodges in a hole. And, immediately, the wheel is given another spin.



Then comes another ball.

And another. 

And more spins.


Until the wheel begins to spin off its axis.

Prayerfully the Lord reminds me that He is with me.  Always.

He reminds me to cast all my cares on Him.  Which isn’t easy when you’re dizzy from all that spinning.  But God gives us the strength, the balance, to thrust those worries on Him.

Slowly calm begins to prevail.  In faith, I know my troubles are in the hands of God Who can fix anything.  Who controls everything.  Who is bigger, stronger, greater than anything I face.

And his peace floods my soul. 

The wheel slows down.  The muscles still ache, but the fear is receding.

Breathe deep.

Pray strong.

Remember that our Father loves you.

Remember all He has done for you.

Rest in His love.

Lean not on your own understanding, but on God, in faith, knowing there is no contingency He cannot handle.

Relax.  You are not alone.  You are loved.  Embrace the Lord and wait upon Him.

2:30 am now.  Need to get to sleep.

How sweet God’s promises.  My peace in the storm.  My steady anchor.  My strong, loving Father.


2 thoughts on “1:30am

  1. Maybe it was the moon last night… Just kidding of course, but I feel your pain. Last night saw me only getting about 3 hours sleep due to panicky feelings/fear overtaking any rational thoughts I may have been able to muster. Fear is so powerful in my life. I need to constantly remind myself that God is stronger. Thanks for your transparency on this difficult and often misunderstood subject.


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