Graphophobia

You guys scare me.

Seriously.

Every time I write something and hit “send”, I think, “Oh no… should I have sent that?  Did I sound stupid?  Did I go too far out there?  What if I make a fool of myself?  Was I offensive? Was I inappropriate?  Will my friends distance themselves from me?  Will my parents disown me?  What if I just wrote something so bad, so foul, so poor, that it causes the earth to slow its spin and sag off its axis, so the North Pole is now located somewhere just off the A7 Autobahn near Hamburg, Germany?”

For starters, if bad writing we’re going cause the earth to shift, the polar cap would have covered northern Deutschland long ago.  My writing may not be of publishable quality quite yet but, by gummies, it will be one day.

Still, I think anyone who fancies themselves a writer must face at least a tinge of graphophobia (fear of writing).  Even when I am being facetious I worry about hurting feelings inadvertently.  And when I am in theological mode, do I come across as judgmental?  Or condescending?  

I think what it boils down to for anyone who writes is this: be yourself.  I am a goofball armchair theologian.  I take life too seriously and try hard to find the balance between humour and seriousness.  And then I think of my stepfather’s words and am comforted: “The worst thing that could happen is they’d eat you.  And they aren’t going to do that.”

All I have to offer this world is what God has given me: abilities, gifts, love.  All I can truly, honestly be is me, who God formed me to be.

It’s all any of us have to offer.

So I keep seeking my “voice” in my written words.  I learn to let God’s Word and my experiences (in)form my writing.  I try to give hope, to be salt and light.  I aim to make people think, and smile, and laugh.  I pray to inspire and comfort.  I hope to reach millions – not for my sake, but just to kindle a big fire of joy to a world in desperate need of Love.

Maybe I’m not as scared as I thought I was.

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