forgiveness

Family Affair

/ Chris Courtney / 1 Comment

By National Cancer Institute – This image was released by the National Cancer Institute, an agency part of the National Institutes of Health, with the ID 2716 (image) (next)., Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=24036618

12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.

Colossians 3:12-15 (ESV)

A dear friend of mine once shared with me something his great-grandmother used to say: “Family should live far enough away that they need to dress up to see each other.” While I can’t tell you I exactly agree with her sentiment, it still makes me chuckle.

Family politics can be tough waters to navigate. Nothing stings like familial strife, disagreement, disappointment, insults or ill-treatment. As family, we should always have each other’s backs. It’s hard to do that when one feels that’s where a loved one has stuck the knife.

Squabbles and quibbles are commonplace in many families. Just because people share DNA doesn’t necessarily mean they always share values, worldviews, ideas, ideals… If anyone believes the Cleavers, Bradys or Waltons exemplify real family life, they are sorely misled and naive.

Here’s the thing, friends: we are called to forgive. We are called to love. Which means we need to remember what love is:

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never ends.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (ESV)

We cannot control how other people (re)act. We can’t control their feelings. We can’t manage their beliefs. We cannot undo what’s been done or said.

But we can control our (re)actions. We can choose to love despite feeling hurt or disappointed. We can opt to forgive instead of bearing a grudge. We can try to empathize and understand instead of responding with our own hurtful or spiteful words and deeds. We can reject the notion that we are right to not forgive. We can walk through life refusing to feel slighted, or cheated, or unappreciated, or ignored, or jealous, or vengeful, or __________________ (fill in the blank with any negative emotion you feel).

We can choose to love even if we’re not feeling the love. Even if forgiveness is never asked for or offered. Even if we feel so wronged that those who hurt us are undeserving of forgiveness.

Don’t take the enemy’s bait. He loves seeing families divided and destroyed by bitterness and hurt. Choose the better path: walk in love and forgiveness, as Jesus did. If you can mend the hurts, do so. If you can’t, you can still love and forgive and refuse to be led by unforgiving emotions. Unforgiveness only hurts the one refusing to let go of the grudge, not the offender.

Some hurts are too big to heal quickly. Some relationships may never be the same again. But remember… we – you – are loved by God to a degree no human – relative or not – could ever love anyone. It is impossible to earn love. And, thank the Lord for that because, if anyone ever had a right to not forgive, it’s Jesus. And yet He loves, forgives and restores us fully, despite our sins and failures.

Today, if you are holding on to bitterness or hurt or unforgiveness, please let it go. Make the choice to follow Christ and forgive. Love.

After all, as H.I. McDonnough (from the movie Raising Arizona) quipped in response to his wife’s complaint about their dysfunctional home life: “Well… it ain’t Ozzie and Harriet!”

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:14-21 (ESV)

Hope Jesus is a Movie Buff

/ Chris Courtney / Leave a comment

I am a movie buff.  I’ll sit on the edge of my seat, cheering for the good guy and glad to see the bad guy get what he deserves.

Then, reading my Bible later, it occurs to me: Jesus would be rooting for the bad guy.  Not for what the villain does, but for the human being.  God does not want to see sin win.  He wants to see man freed from sin.

Let’s be totally upfront here.  There are times when I am the villain.  One thoughtless word or selfish deed, and I become the bad guy.  I am so very thankful that Jesus isn’t watching, waiting for me to get my come-uppance. 

Wouldn’t it be great to watch a movie and see the bad guy get saved, repent and turn from his evil ways (as opposed to going down violently in a hail of gunfire)?  Imagine the money the studios would save on fake ammo, pyrotechnics and red-dyed corn syrup.

“I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people – for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.” – 1 Timothy 2:1-4 (NIV)

Here… have some poison…

/ Chris Courtney / Leave a comment

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:31-32 (ESV)

If I offered you a bowl full of poison and a spoon, would you sit down and eat it?  Of course not!!  But, consider this… every grudge we hold, every ounce of unforgiveness, every little drop of bitterness is poison.  It rots our souls and kills us spiritually. 

Here is the problem, at it’s heart.  We have a relationship with God because Jesus came to earth to act as the propitiation for our sins.  Propitiation is a big word – a legal term – that means, through the act of forgiveness performed by Jesus Christ on the cross for all of us, our status is changed from utterly guilty to innocent.  Not only forgiven, but cleansed.  Our record is expunged in God’s eyes.  The Lord holds no grudge, bears no memory of the wrongs each of His children has committed against Him.

When we refuse to forgive somebody, when we choose to bear a grudge, we are not walking in the light of Christ.  In fact, we are doing just the opposite.  We are choosing to walk away from Jesus.  Every act of revenge – even what we think is the smallest word of unkindness uttered about somebody we feel bitterness toward – takes us farther from God. 

Don’t think God takes (un)forgiveness this seriously?  Think again.  Think back to the Lord’s Prayer, which you have probably repeated, and truly think about this one line:

“And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matthew 6:12).  (Or, if you’re more comfortable, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”)

Jesus goes on to explain, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15, ESV).  That’s pretty serious stuff.  That means our forgiveness hinges on whether we choose to begrudge others and harbor bitterness.  Is it worth it?

Unforgiveness does more harm to the one holding the grudge than the object of the anger.  It blocks us from giving and receiving love and grace. If we think about people we have known in our lives, who were the most miserable?  Those who couldn’t let go of the wrongs they felt had been committed against them.  Letting go can be tough.  But forgiveness isn’t merely a matter of passively saying, “OK, I forgive you.”  True forgiveness is a willful act of not only forgiving the debt, but forgetting that it is owed to you.  Forgiveness is choosing to put down the bitterness that poisons your spirit – indeed, your very being.

We are called to be “rooted and grounded in love” (Ephesians 3:14, ESV).  This leaves no room for bitterness and unforgiveness.  Jesus equates hatred with murder – says they are one and the same.  In Christ, there is life.  If you are feeling unforgiveness toward anybody, go to the Lord.  Ask for strength and grace to help you through, and revel in the sweet release of forgiveness.  Feel love and mercy swell up in your soul and bask in the joy of the glory of the Lord!